Driving Miss Daisy...

"if you trust your driver, it must be powerful..." Thank you lu for this one; it has haunted me all day. "if you trust your driver..." I have to confess, I hate to drive. Hate it, to the point that my close friends refer to me as "Miss Daisy" and chuckle at the thought of me being chaffeured around in my old age. Its part of my personality, I fear, this total readiness to relinquish control of the wheel and let someone else negotiate life for me.

Now, before liv blows a gasket, I do admit that I am a control freak about most things. I like sameness, and order, and things MY WAY...but as far as the big picture goes I prefer to settle in and knit while the miles roll by.

I remember in school feeling sorry for the kids who didn't know what they wanted to do--I knew that I wanted to be a doctor; therefore, a decade of decisions were made for me. Take these classes, make these grades, be in these clubs, go to this college, take these classes, make these grades...the path was clear, and although not necessarily easy it was a total "no-brainer".

In marriage (or should I say marriages?) I relied heavily on the husband du jour to make all the messy decisions: the budget, the taxes, the cars, the life insurance, the investments: all the grownup choices that weren't fun. I had lots of input on the fun stuff: the house, the kids, the food, the nanny--I played house like a pro--but the big stuff I pretty much deferred to the man of the house. After all, he was the designated driver. When he wasn't able to or proved himself incompetent to drive--the ride was over.

So now, I'm behind the wheel. And this car has some pretty precious cargo: the kids. Furthermore, I have to teach them to drive as well (and just ask M.E. how much fun I am in that role!) I'm faced with the realization that this is my journey, my life, and dammit, its time for me to drive! I'm realizing just how much of my life I wasted trusting someone else to be the driver and sitting by and knitting, while those miles and years rolled by.It is time for me to learn to trust myself to be the driver. I am not exactly sure where I am heading, but it will be a better and healthier place, and I look pretty damn good behind the wheel in my Fendi's.