Happy....
It struck me yesterday morning, on the way to work just before I got to Starbucks.
"I am happy."
The thought took me by surprise--it was such a random thing to have cross my mind, especially with all that has happened in the past couple of years.
"Happy. Happier than I have been in years."
And then I waited--for the panic. For the past 8 years or so every time I dared to be happy something "would happen". So I waited for that familiar feeling--waited for the other shoe to drop.
But, it never came. I was, quite simply, content.
Not that there were no problems to face, no bills to pay, no boxes to unpack, no unhappy friends to worry about, no stuff I can't find somewhere lurking in a box unknown. All that "daily normal routine" was still with me. But,
I was HAPPY.
It is good to feel this way. It has been a long time.
5 comments:
I totally know what you mean. In spite of the darkness I've had to deal with in the past few months, I have had true moments of feeling happy, more than I've had in the past few years. And I understand what you mean about worrying about something bad happening because of the happiness you felt. I swear that soon-to-be ex knew if I was happy and made it a point to do something or say something to bring me down. That's not a problem. And it will only get better! Go EB!
How great. I know how you feel. And I felt instantly happier reading this.
Sending you a virtual hug. I love the pic you have. Just a beautiful photo.
Acceptance? That's usually what brings that about. Glad to hear it though. I know you hit a rough spot for a while.
Peace,
~Chani
Yay. So glad to hear it. Onward. Upward.
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