what now?

noreply@blogger.com (ellie bee) — Sun, 02 Sep 2007 14:31:00 +0000

It has been a wonderful, rainy cool (90's) weekend here, and I have spent it in bed with my new favorite male:

In fact, I have spent every spare moment of the past 2 weeks with him. I am hopelessly enchanted.
I don't read much anymore: it poses a great liability to me. Either a book is mundane, and therefore a total waste of my most precious commodity--time, or it captures me totally and I am completely unable to put it down. Thus it has been with dear Harry, Hermoine, and Ron. They have possessed every spare moment of my life for 2 weeks.

I didn't "do" the HP thing. My dear ME has loved them, devoured them over and over: movies, books...whatever. You see, she grew up with the kids. She has been their age with every step of the journey and has read and re-read the books, waited in line at bookstores for the latest release, waited at midnight for the latest movie...in short, they have been a very important element in her adolescent years. I, however, have avoided them like the plague.

I didn't "do" the Star Wars thing either. I LOVED the first movie--I drove to the nearest theatre (45 minutes away) to see it no less than 5 times when it came out--I was addicted. Then I found out there would be a second. And a third. And so on. At 5-6 year intervals. And I quit. I remember telling my friend that I refused to be 30 years old and getting a baby sitter so I could go to the movies to see what happened to Luke Skywalker. And I haven't, to this day seen another Star Wars movie. When I am done, I am done.

I think this is all a supreme example of my fear of addiction. To anything. I am, as you might have guessed, something of a control freak.

Anyway, back to Harry. I saw in the newspaper several weeks ago that a local church was doing a study group on the Potter series: not bashing it (as is the norm, here in midevil Georgia), but embracing it as important literature and as a classic tale of good vs. evil, worthy of study and contemplation. Both because I am looking for ways to have quality time with ME (she is a senior this year, so I am savoring this "last year together"), and as a way to become, if only on the fringes, involved with a church that I could respect--if there is such a thing--I offered to read the books if she was interested in going with me. And here we are.

I finished the last book last night. And I am spent. Totally wiped out. And wishing that there were more. These characters have become part of me somehow, which is, I think, part of the obsession with them. I wish they were true. Wish that there actually were wizards that could wave a wand and fight the evil in the world. Wish there were witches who would give their lives to try to make it all better. Wish there were dark lords of evil that could be defeated and that with their defeat all would be right again. Wish we all could find it in ourselves to unite for good, to find a way--any way--to embrace each other as equals and to try--no, to fight for that special something that unites us. To live and die with the understanding that it is, after all, all about love.

It is a good thing I didn't start this series years ago when it came out. I don't have the patience. I would have imploded if I had been forced to wait for a year or so between each book. I simply don't know how millions of people did it. But I am grateful that I have read them. I will read them again, and again, probably. Just not this year. I have a lot to do--especially now that I am 2 weeks behind! At least I have finished the books so I can really enjoy our discussion group. And if you haven't read them--well, I guess you could say I recommend them. Just be sure you have all of them available so you can pick up the next one as soon as you finish one. Believe me, after number 3 you won't be able to wait.

noreply@blogger.com (ellie bee) — Sun, 19 Aug 2007 16:14:00 +0000

"I'll give you something to whine about...."

I am sure many of you who are in my age range recognize this phrase--actually, it was more of an "I'll give you something to cry about" back then. And it evidently still holds true for me. In the midst of my self-pity I got sick--nothing serious, but enough to make me stay in bed for an evening when I wanted to go out and have fun. Fortunately I am better now. Lesson # 298--when you are exhausted, don't push it. You WILL find time to rest, one way or another. Anyway, after about 14 hours of sleep I am a new person. Still a bit worn down, but better over all. And this morning it was cooler--hopefully it will be under 100 today!

I made a "house call" today for a friend--her baby is sick, and I just felt better eyeballing him and taking over some medicine after talking to her on the phone a few times. She is an amazing person--perhaps the most positive person I know. She has had an unimaginable year--discovered that her husband had a horrible drug habit (which explained a lot) and sent him to rehab while she maintained her house and her job while taking care of her 18 month old and her newborn. Her longtime constant companion, a great dane, died a tragic death which she witnessed, and this morning, after being up all night with a sick baby her 10 year old cat got out and was literally torn apart by a pack of dogs. Through it all she maintains a gentle spirit of grace and forgiveness. She is someone whom I have never heard utter a negative statement, about anyone. I watched her today, bathing a two year old and juggling an 8 month old who was burning up with fever--after burying her cat and with only a couple of hours of restless sleep and all I could see was calm, kindness, and peace. And I had the audacity to complain about my troubles. The universe constantly has a way of humbling me; eventually, hopefully, I will get it.

noreply@blogger.com (ellie bee) — Fri, 17 Aug 2007 20:50:00 +0000

It has been a long week. A wallowing kind of week, made longer by suffocating heat and just sheer exhaustion. Like the chicken/egg thing, I don't know which came first--the exhaustion or the wallowing. Either way, it is miserable.

First of all, the heat. Over 100 degrees every day--no rain. The trees are wilting, the grass is crunchy, the sky is a relentless, mocking blue. I hate it. I discovered several years into this drought that I like rain--no, I love rain. There is something innately wrong with cloudless blue skies day after day after day--like a face that has been botoxed into mask-like perfection. It makes me uneasy. It is not to be trusted.

And, I am tired. I think my body is still on the summer schedule of going to bed around 11 and getting up around 6:30. Now I go to bed around 11, but I get up at 5. I am clearly too old to sacrifice even one more moment of sleep, so I have been groggy and grumpy. Couple that with it being a week where I work AFTERNOONS--yes, seeing patients in the afternoon every day. I am a morning person. By 3 pm I am not at my best; in other words, I don't really care why you brought your kid to see me. If he/she isn't dying, you are wasting my time. Compassionate, huh?
Fortunately, I am usually able to schedule my patient care in the mornings and early afternoon--there are just occasional weeks when it doesn't work out that way. Add to that the new interns and students who don't really know their ass from a teakettle and, well, I get a touch sour.

All of this leads to: you got it--wallowing. I feel old. I feel like a failure. I look at my friends: vice presidents of hospitals, directors of programs, etc. and I think "what the fuck did I do for the past 10 years?" Devoting myself to saving a doomed marriage was clearly not worth it in a lot of ways. I am 46 years old, and I feel like I will be working until I am 96 to get the kids through school and get myself financially stable. So what am I craving? A convertible. And a new, big rock. For me from me. Neither of which I can have. So now add whiney, petulant, irritated and spoiled to the mix.

Yes, the only thing that sucks more than being me this week is having to put up with me. Poor children, interns, and students (but not the patients--I can fake it with them til the cows come home)! Maybe it will rain soon. Or I will enjoy a long night of sweet, dreamless sleep. Or, I will just get over it. That is usually what happens--I just get over it. Please, make it soon!

noreply@blogger.com (ellie bee) — Sat, 11 Aug 2007 17:13:00 +0000

Visuals....

as requested, and promised, here are the pictures for the meme below....my favorite tea and glasses...the pictures just don't do them justice!

I finally got my dining room unpacked. It is amazing just how much shit you can accumulate! I really enjoyed going through the boxes and wondering why I have some of this stuff. A lot of it I just kept boxed and put in the attic. I put away my big set of china, and kept out the beautiful antique set that is smaller (8 place settings) but has more interesting pieces (double handled cream soups, berry bowls, etc.) People sure used to know how to eat. I packed away tons of silver. I also realized that I made a very sound decision many, many years ago, when registering for crystal. The sales lady was "concerned" that I didn't want both red and white wine goblets, and that I opted instead for water goblets (my reasoning--the wines were almost identical, and the water was right in the middle, so I figured--who would know?) She was afraid I would regret my decision, but after unwrapping 12 waters, 12 iced beverages, 12 sherbets, 12 brandy sniffers, 12 champaigne flutes, and yes, 8 red wines that people gave me anyway I came to the final realization that it was OK. By the way, did I mention that I don't even drink wine?

My favorite "WTF?" was the set of silver julip cups we got from my brother for Christmas about 8 years ago--2 large ones engraved with my ex-husband's last initial (my mother and brother steadfastly refused to acknowledge that I kept my maiden name, and insisting on referring to me by my "married" name) and smaller ones for the kids engraved with their initials. Yes, my children have their own engraved julip cups. I say again, WTF?

I also got a laugh at the 30 or so antique flower frogs I have collected. They just tickle me to death--I mean, with a good frog you can arrange flowers in ANYTHING! But 30? I have them in all sizes and shapes--prickly ones and glass ones--even a green depression glass one...they fasicinate me. Besides, I am a collector--it is a genetic thing. I think I may have enough...but you never know...and oasis is for sissies.

I also got 2 of my father's clocks running--which makes me very happy. They are like reminders of him, and I treasure them more every year. He was a collector, too, and my clocks are a reminder of that part of him--quirky and wonderful.

Then, I hung pictures! Lots of pictures of the kids, and a couple of paintings that I had not hung, and some beautiful pottery wall hangings. So, a busy, busy day! Can I go to bed now?

Here's some Total Momsense

noreply@blogger.com (ellie bee) — Fri, 10 Aug 2007 00:13:00 +0000

anyone else relate?

noreply@blogger.com (ellie bee) — Tue, 07 Aug 2007 11:59:00 +0000

My glass.....

I have been tagged by my precious Peaches for an interesting meme. Liv has already given it a whirl, so here goes! Try not to read too much into it!
Tell us:

1. How full is your glass?

2. What kind of glass is it?

3. What’s in the glass?

Reasons for #1, #2 and #3.

1. My glass is almost to the top--just enough room is left to comfortably get it to my lips to drink with out spilling it.

2. It is a beautiful hand blown deep azure fish glass.

3. Peach white tea, unsweetened, with tons of ice.

Reasons?
1. Like everything else in my life, I like as much as I can comfortably hold without spilling!

2. Hard to imagine, I know, I wish I could find the box it was packed in so I could unpack it and take a picture--when I find it I will post a picture. I found it in Maine at a glass shop (I LOVE fine art glass)--it cost way more than I should have spent, so I bought all 4 (see #1 above). They are a lovely irridescent deep blue with green and purple overtones, and subtly shaped like fish. I know, I really need a visual here, but those glasses touch my soul.

3. My favorite cold drink of all time--I hate sweet drinks, yes, even the famous Southern "Sweet Tea" (an old hang up from my anorexic days), and I have a real issue with hot drinks being hot, and cold drinks being cold. The only thing I drink at a reasonable temperature is Evian--has to be room temperature....

So, now you know the dirt on my drinking habits! It's actually interesting to try to figure out the whys of what you choose! I'd love for any of you to try it and see what you come up with! Since I know you probably won't though, I will have to tag a friend: Deb, have a go at it!

noreply@blogger.com (ellie bee) — Mon, 06 Aug 2007 01:33:00 +0000

Pity Party Over...

My deepest and most heartfelt thanks to all of you who left such encouraging comments. I am grateful beyond words to all of you who helped me to realize that it is "OK" to just be myself. Looking back I can't understand why I needed reminding! I usually feel like I have managed to overcome the perpetual "people pleasing" that has been my life, then a simple and innocent statement derails me. It wasn't so much that I needed to feel like my comments were exciting, as much as I suddenly began to censure myself. Every entry was suddenly judged--by me--as "not interesting enough." It was a learning experience, to be sure. Anyway, thank you all for reminding me of the important things about blogging: the community of friends and support that keep us afloat when we are sagging.
I love you all...

noreply@blogger.com (ellie bee) — Mon, 30 Jul 2007 00:17:00 +0000

A friend told me recently that I was "so much more interesting in person" than on my blog. It's true--I am a pretty boring blogger. For the most part, I find that people are interested in the angst; the sorrow and sadness or anger that makes us all feel connected somehow.
I can't do it.
I can't vomit emotion in public, and I consider a blog a very public forum. I have suffered a lot in the past years, and I want to focus on the positive, with which I have been richly blessed. The everyday hurts, the tragedies, the anger--I don't really want to make them more real by publishing them on the web. I prefer to just deal quietly with life's disappointments and move on. So I'm boring...I'll take it.
For the record I am grateful for the wonderful folks who come visit me here, and occasionally leave a comment or two. I'll keep reading and stay in touch. I think it's time for me to just take a little break from writing and enjoy my life--boring or not.

noreply@blogger.com (ellie bee) — Sun, 22 Jul 2007 01:54:00 +0000

For those of you who don't know, this is a John Deere L130--also known as one big ass lawn mower. It is huge--much bigger than I need for my yard. It was fine for my previous 3 acre spread, but here it is a bit much. Still, it is the mower I have. My neighbors have all commented on the huge mower--especially since it wouldn't fit into the garage for several weeks and sat out in the driveway. One of them finally told me that the neighbors were taking bets on how long it would be before it was stolen, as such nice lawn equipment really shouldn't be left out for every one to see...I moved it into the garage after that, as I really knew that he meant that in this neighborhood, we don't leave yard stuff out in the driveway.

I think it really is more likely that they are all jealous and waiting to see it in action--my yard hasn't been mowed in weeks. Not a problem with the drought we had earlier, but in the past 2 weeks we have had rain. Lots of rain, and the grass is literally knee high. Unfortunately, the "deere" doesn't run. I changed the oil in it before we moved (yes, I changed the oil. Got out the book, read the directions and taught my boys how to change the oil and filter). The boys used it one last time at the old house, and it ran out of gas. The little one put the gas in it that we use for the weed whacker (the kind with oil mixed in) and put it in the garage. It hasn't run since. Bummer.

Today, with my grass blowing gently in the wind, I decided it was time to take matters into my own hands. I had consulted with my Deb's husband, Bill, and he had give me the low down on bad gas, fouled spark plugs, dirty carburetors, etc. I dutifully went and bought stuff and came home--then couldn't find the damn spark plug! Bill came over and gave me a quick tutorial--showed me where the parts all were, and I was off again to buy the right size spark plugs, and a new air filter and battery for good measure. I got home and --here is the cool part--changed the spark plugs (yes, they were fouled, air filter (filthy), and battery (which since the headlights didn't work, I figured was totally dead), and cleaned the carburetor! The damn thing still wouldn't crank--but it did have headlights again, so I knew it had power. Bill came back, and still, no luck. So, I woke up my very jet lagged son, who showed us which switches and levers had to be where, and you guessed it--it cranked right up and "ran like a deer".

I am beside myself! It was better than running a code--at least when I got my lawn mower back I knew what I was getting. Codes don't always go so well. Maybe I need to change professions. From what I hear, mechanics make better money than I do...and I now own my very own spark plug wrench! Hey, its a possibility!

I think one of the very best things about being divorced is finding out what I am capable of. My "motto" for a while has been "if not me--who? if not now--when?" It gets me up and going when I feel overwhelmed with dealing with something I never thought I would have to deal with. But, invariably, once I have done it, I feel totally awesome. Not that I really want to spend my life working on lawn mowers, but it is nice to know that I can do what I have to do. And it is good for the kids to see it, too. Never too late to be a good example, I guess. Now, I think I may actully cut the grass--naaaah, the boys can continue that little chore for a few more years!

noreply@blogger.com (ellie bee) — Fri, 20 Jul 2007 23:57:00 +0000

Be nice to me--I gave blood today.....

A week or so ago, I was really moved by this blog, in which Em was upset because she wasn't able to donate blood. I was so impressed. You see, at 46, I have never given blood. I hope that makes me an oddity. Anyway, the idea of this child crying because she couldn't donate absolutely shamed me to death--so I decided to give blood.

It isn't that I haven't thought about it--I have considered it a lot. My dad was a Red Cross Wonderboy, until he had heart surgery in 1977...after all his transfusions, and with the medications he was on he never was eligible again. Unfortunately, those same lifesaving transfusions ultimately killed him, as he contracted hepatitis C (unknown at the time) and subsequently got hepatocellular carcinoma. But, that is another blog altogether.

My public reasons for not donating were plentiful: for years I was underweight, then anemic, then I had travelled in Africa (got me off the hook for a long time), then in the years of pregnancy and postpartum, then anemic again, then underweight again--always a good excuse to my ultimate relief, and none of them exactly truthful.

The truth? I didn't want my blood being wasted on some scum that I felt didn't deserve it. Yes, you read that right. I did not want my blood supporting some alcholic with cirrhosis, some drunk who had just plowed his car into a family, some gang member shot up in a fight--I didn't want my blood "wasted" on someone I thought wasn't worthy.

I was on the marrow donor list-have been for years. I thought that saving someone with cancer was OK, but I just couldn't bring myself to support a life I didn't approve of. I guess I just saw too many gallons of blood poured into people who were like those mentioned above and it just infuriated me. The waste of their life was their business--but wasting my blood was mine.

Still, I was touched by the selflessness of Em, and her desire to give to a complete stranger. And I sat down and really thought about my stance--which I confess had not crossed my mind in at least 10 years. And I realized that I go out of my way to give freely and without strings in every aspect of my life. I tell my children over and over (until they are sick of it I know) that a gift is given with NO STRINGS--what the recipient does with it is their business. Otherwise, it is not a gift. So what did that say about my lack of generosity with my own lifeblood? I am a very healthy woman--blessed with healthy children. Who am I not to share that gift with anyone else that needs it?

So, I gave blood today. I didn't look when they stuck the big grownup needle in my arm (remember, I am used to tiny needles in tiny people!) It actually didn't hurt a bit. I was so stoked at how easy it was! I plan to become a regular. Hopefully my little pint will go a long way towards helping someone somewhere who needs it. And for once, I really don't even care who.

noreply@blogger.com (ellie bee) — Fri, 20 Jul 2007 01:04:00 +0000

My son is home!!!!

My first impression was to write, "my baby is home," but he is so not a baby anymore. I think he grew 2 inches and I know his voice is deeper. He also has an air of confidence that he didn't have before he left...I am one proud mom.

His favorite part of the trip? "I loved the bungee jump, and the zorbing, and of course, snow-boarding, but the best was all the cool people, and making such great new friends."

He took some wonderful pix--one of them is above. It is where they filmed "Lord of the Rings"...I told him his pictures were beautiful. He said that "you can't take a bad picture there--everything is beautiful."

So, despite a very, very long day--which included no sleep for me (plane got in at 2:37 am) and getting rear-ended this afternoon (don't think I am hurt, but the car.....bad news) I am one happy and tired lady--going to bed with all my chickens in the nest at last.

noreply@blogger.com (ellie bee) — Wed, 18 Jul 2007 01:12:00 +0000

My Summer Stash Swap package has arrived!

What an amazing treat. Melissa, in Greenfield, Mass, put together the perfect knitting stash treat for me.

What is utterly amazing is that without knowing me, without even ever meeting me, she picked perfect little gifts. My daughter asked me where I had met her--"I haven't". She read my blog, and figured out from that what would make me smile. It is amazing.

I got lovely stitch markers, which you can't appreciate in the picture, but they are Americana at its best! Stars, USA, flags...perfect! And the needle case is stars and stripes, and the sock yarn--not just any sock yarn, mind you, but Lorna's Lace "Liberty" is red, white and blue! The beautiful hand-dyed pastel is super yummy, but best of all: the "Welcome to our Home" sign, handpainted on slate. It is perfect!

Thank you so much Melissa! What a perfect, perfect gift! I hope to get to meet you someday, or at least to find your blog and get to write!

noreply@blogger.com (ellie bee) — Sun, 15 Jul 2007 15:21:00 +0000

Mommy guilt

I was reading a post the other night by a mom who's daughter had "borrowed" the family car, and been stopped by the police; the car was impounded. Mom was guilt-laden:

"I could kick myself in the ass for not keeping the car keys away from you. A learner's permit, after all, means that you are learning. The reason it isn't a legal right to drive by yourself is simply because you don't completely know how, yet! And that means it wasn't a matter of "trusting" you with the keys. Boredom, a hot summer day, the new thrill of driving a car and those keys beckoning you--it's my fault, ultimately. I wasn't protecting you."

I have to say, I could have written that myself--any of the number of times my kids have screwed up. Because, after the relief that they aren't dead comes the guilt. "What did I do wrong? How could I have prevented this?" etc. Yes, I know it is irrational, but it is like a reflex--completely out of conscious control.

At what point does it stop being the mom's fault? When they are 3 and hitting other kids at schol? When they are 6 and not invited to the popular kid's birthday party? When they are 10 and don't complete their summer reading? When they are 14 and failing biology? When they are 17 and pregnant? When do we start holding our kids accountable--or at least stop blaming ourselves?

One of my dear friends is my hero on this issue. After years of torturing herself whenever her son screwed up she finally saw the light. Let me say, the "system" doesn't support you in this!
Several weeks before graduation she received a call from her son's Spanish teacher that he wasn't passing, and might not graduate. The teacher wanted to know what she was going to do about it.
"I think you have the wrong number," she said. "Let me give you his cell..."
The teacher was sure she had not heard correctly. My friend explained to her that this was not HER problem, but her son's and only he could fix it. He went on to fail Spanish, and is now in summer school--which he is paying for himself. Harsh? Maybe, but I think it is brilliant and appropriate in every way. I wish I had her kind of common sense.

I am working hard on this one--really making a conscious effort to "mail it to the right address" as one of my friends says. It may be too late. My daughter screamed at me yesterday--ranted and raved and when I told her not to talk to me in that tone she screamed: "This is all your fault! You shouldn't try to talk to me when I am in a bad mood."

She is right. It is my fault. I should have let her face the consequences of being ill-tempered a few more times when she was younger. Now we both have a lot to learn. Hopefully, I'll catch on quickly, and so will she.

The closest thing to being home

noreply@blogger.com (ellie bee) — Fri, 13 Jul 2007 01:25:00 +0000

My dear friend Darlene says good-bye to her boy soon. Isaiah is a Marine and will be leaving for Iraq in a couple of weeks for an 18 month tour of duty. We are all so proud of him. His mom loved this song and sent it to him: he in turn created this youtube for her to share his life with her since his enlistment. She has only seen him twice in almost 2 years. The pictures are of Isaiah, his sister and nephew, their family, and all of his brothers in the corps. As you can see, he is a beautiful young man. He sent her apologies for the occasional "finger" but hey, that is life with the guys.
This video gives me goosebumps--the quote at the end sums up Isaiah to a tea.

Isiah--we are all so proud of you and all that you stand for. God Speed, and God Bless.

noreply@blogger.com (ellie bee) — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 01:40:00 +0000

Hey mummy!

Hey baby! How are you?

I'm really cold.

You sound like it--your teeth are chattering! Get some warmer clothes.

I'm wearing 4 layers!

Buy some more!

But its 10 degrees on the ground.

Wait, where are you?

I'm about to bungee jump off a bridge--300 feet. It'll be great!

Conner, what the hell are you doing calling me to tell me that you are "about to jump" off a f***ing bridge in New Zealand? You're supposed to call and say "mom, I just jumped off a bridge." Past tense. Now you have to call me back later!

But it'll be 2 in the morning there...

I don't give a rat's fanny what time it is. I better hear back from you tonight!
And son, I love you.....

I love you too mummy....

noreply@blogger.com (ellie bee) — Wed, 11 Jul 2007 19:45:00 +0000

A fun meme from liv

1. Who was your best friend? Sally. A total back-stabbing bitch.

2. What sports did you play? Sports? on purpose?

3. What kind of car did you drive? Green Celica

4. It’s Friday night, where were you? Football game in the fall; other than that in Meridian, Missippi at the movies or sneaking into "Cash McCool's". It was a DISCO and I loved to dance.

5. Were you a party animal? Oh, hell no. My mom would have killed me.

6. Were you considered a flirt? Definitely. But I had a steady, so it was all in fun.

7. Were you in band, orchestra, or choir? choir--at the local college.

8. Were you a nerd? well, yeah. I was the valedictorian, and one of only 5 of us who left town to go to college. So I guess that qualifies me as a nerd.

9. Did you get suspended/expelled? No.

10. Can you sing the fight song? We had a fight song?

11. Who was your favorite teacher? Linda Edmonds. She taught science. She put up with a lot from the 7 of us that took her class. When she went into labor she drove herself to the hospital 23 miles away on a tractor.

12. School mascot? Eagles!

13. Did you go to Prom? Yes, for 4 years straight!

14. If you could go back and do it over, would you? Hell, no.

15. What do you remember most about graduation? Our class president falling off the stage. She was a little intoxicated.

16. Where were you on senior skip day? Didn't have that.

17. Did you have a job your senior year? Other than babysitting, no.

18. Where did you go most often for lunch? Outside.

19. Have you gained weight since then? I have gained and lost. gained with pregnancies, lost with stresses. My lowest was 20 pounds under my graduation weight (not good); I currently weigh about 5 pounds more.

20. What did you do after graduation? school/work/school/work

21. Who was your Senior prom date? Ronnie, my first love

23. Are you going / did you go to your 10 year reunion? went to the 20th...

24. Who was your home room teacher? not sure...

25. Who will repost this after you? I hope that maybe Miss Pea will play along....

noreply@blogger.com (ellie bee) — Tue, 10 Jul 2007 03:36:00 +0000

Have you seen this? (The new and improved "Seven Wonders of the World")
In case you missed it, since the originals were for the most part "no longer available" there was a contest to choose new ones. These are the winners. Quite frankly, I don't get it. Yeah, the Christ the Redeemer statue is cool. But how did it beat out Easter Island? The Pyramids of Giza? The Acropolis? Stonehenge? And how did the Statue of Liberty even get in there? I love the Statue, don't get me wrong, but is simply is not in the league with a pyramid.

Many folks are saying it was a huge popularity contest, with countries pressing their citizens to vote so that they would get a bigger piece of the tourism pie. Probably so. But hey, what do you expect? I guess being a "wonder" these days is kind of like being a "hero"--lots of votes, little substenence.

Seems to me there should have been some sort of international committee with no vested interest in the results--God only knows how it would be selected (What about those Nobel prize people--maybe they could have helped). At least that way the results would have had some meaning other than being the "Seven Places Most Likely to have been voted on by someone with a computer somewhere". I mean, it's like American Idol, only worse.

What do you think? Did you vote? Did your favorite win? Do you even care?

noreply@blogger.com (ellie bee) — Mon, 09 Jul 2007 03:10:00 +0000

My teens and tweens.....

What a fun weekend! I had 2 of my own (tye dye and M.E. in the Middle) and 3 friends at Jeckyl Island for a little fun and sun. We had a blast. My favorite moments:

1. Watching a 4ish old girl spot Heather (the REDhead) on the beach and gasp: "the little mermaid!" I hope her folks milked it as much as I would have...

2. Petting wild manatees off the dock

3. Spending time with fellow bloggers, Peaches, and Liv, and meeting other new and groovy blog friends. Peaches is even more fun in person--of course, when you feel like you know someone already, meeting them in person is just sort of--WOW! Kind of like when you go to a family reunion and reconnect with a cousin or someone you haven't seen in ages, but that you somehow share a history with...
anyway, it was delightful in every way, and we have to do it again really soon!

4. Having Liv give me credit for a beach pick-up...was that what that was?

5. driving home to find RAIN!!!!

6. not one, but two phone calls from my precious Conner, in New Zealand. He is having a blast, but has decided that sea kyaking 6 miles in frigid ocean water is "crazy". He said the sweetest thing ever though: "Mom, I want to get a job and save up so I can bring you here--it is so beautiful, I know you would love it." Isn't that the best compliment a 14 year old can give?

Great weekend! Now, back to reality!

noreply@blogger.com (ellie bee) — Fri, 06 Jul 2007 02:42:00 +0000

I have seen this one going around, and decided to play...enjoy and give it a whirl if you like!

8 Random Facts About Me....

1. I am becoming totally disconnected from my family (brothers and mom). I would not be surprised if I never saw them again. To most of you this is probably no big deal. To anyone who knows me, or my family, it is shocking.

2. I have never tried any drug for recreational purposes, and have never even considered smoking. Not for any reason other than a total fear of loss of control. I could never risk being dependent on any substance for any thing--even just a good time.

3. I have never had sex with anyone I didn't plan to marry. In a couple of cases, it just didn't work out...

4. I have horrible, inexplicable road rage. I fully expect to be shot someday by some asshole because I flipped him/her off for doing something stupid or rude.

5. I have, in fact, broken all ten commandments. It is not something I am proud of, by any means, but it is true. I wonder how many other people have as well--and are willing to admit it?

6. I don't believe in hell--see #5.

7.I have no fear of death. In fact, I rather look forward to it. That is not to say that I am ready to die--or that I wouldn't be pissed off to be "dying". There is still a lot I want to accomplish and I have 3 wonderful kids I want to share more time with. I just don't see death as the horror that many people do. It is more of a transition than an end in my mind. Hope I'm right (about #6 too)

8. I really want to love, and be loved again.

noreply@blogger.com (ellie bee) — Wed, 04 Jul 2007 00:58:00 +0000

Happy Fourth of July!

I know that there are many who do not agree with the current political situation in this country; however, I have to go on record as saying: this is still the greatest country in the world, and we are all damn lucky to be living here.

As for our military: I salute them all. The sacrifices they make so that we can enjoy the freedom and safety we have here are unbelievable. I don't care if you support "the war", if you don't support the soldiers who defend your right to have an opinion then you are just a class 4 A shit. End of story. I have several friends who have sons (and let's face it--it could just as easily be daughters) as well as personal friends who are serving our country in Iraq as well as other countries around the world. They are finest people I know, and I commend them, and thank them from the bottom of my soul.

I hope that you all have a safe, happy and wonderful Fourth. If you are enjoying your freedom--thank a soldier. And his family. They deserve it.

noreply@blogger.com (ellie bee) — Tue, 03 Jul 2007 01:28:00 +0000

My Baby is Gone!!!

My sweet middle child is in New Zealand--having the time of his life (I hope). I didn't anticipate how much I would miss him, or how hard it would be not to be able to contact him. When the little one was off at camp, I wrote him every day--got a couple of letters from him as well. I couldn't talk with him, but let's face it: if I needed too I could call or even go get him--it was only 4 hours away.

New Zealand is another story all together. So far they have Zorbed, Spelunked in one of the largest caves in the world (they rappelled FIVE MINUTES to get down into it), dug holes at a geothermic beach and basked in the resulting natural hot tub, had dinner with a Maori tribe, and skiied and snowboarded. This is only 5 days into their trip. He did call once, to let me know he was there, and having an awesome time.

I am so grateful that he has this opportunity. It has been a hard year for him. Not only did his parents divorce and he changed schools, one of his best friends died. I figure he deserves a great summer trip. He is an amazing kid, and I am eternally proud and grateful to be his mom.

So, as his counsellor said at the airport: "NO WORRIES MATE!"

noreply@blogger.com (ellie bee) — Thu, 28 Jun 2007 02:38:00 +0000

Wow.. I have been honored by my dear Peaches
with this cool award! I am shocked and delighted...the best part of it being the incredibly kind words she said about me in her blog. She is one of my blog heros, and a sure pick for when I have a quick second for a blog read...Thank you Peaches...you are a great lady. We still need to plan that get together!

I now get the honor of passing the baton to five of my most favoritest bloggers (not counting Peaches). So, here they are, in no particular order...

One of the greatest ladies in blogsville has to be Deb. Don't visit if you are intimidated by people who take life, with all its ups and downs, in stride and manage to write beautifully about their experiences. My hat is off to this superwoman. Her entry about talking with her daughter about sex is a must read for any mom of a teenage girl.

Miss Litte Pea is a funny lady, with a flair telling about her everyday adventures. She makes me laugh at myself, because I see so much of me in what she writes about.

Darling Amusing and I have a lot in common: mainly involving ex's and kids. She is a a great mom and a strong woman discovering herself and sharing the journey with us.

My daily source of wisdom and loving-kindness comes from Chani . I learn something new about the world, and myself ever time I visit her beautiful site. She is a wonderful soul, and I treasure her more every time I read her posts.

Finally, since I have been doing the "moving thing" for the past several months I have sadly neglected my hobbies--namely my knitting. My stash is all still packed, and I am too busy unpacking necessaries and dealing life to get it all out yet. So, I pop over to Chickenlips knitting. The stories are funny, the projects are believable, and its just a fun place to play while I am blogging and not knitting!

So, there they are--my rockin girl blogger friends! Some of them don't even know I exist (isn't there a blogterm for those of us who visit but are too shy to comment?) Anyway, thanks again to Peaches for the thrill of the week! And favorites, please pass it on to five of your all-time favorite rockin female bloggers!

noreply@blogger.com (ellie bee) — Mon, 25 Jun 2007 02:50:00 +0000

I know that I sound like an unsympathetic witch..but sometimes I just don't feel the angst. I mean, I am sorry--unbelievably sorry--that some husbands are total jerks who lie, cheat, and abuse their wives. What I don't exactly get is why their ex-wives are not delighted to be done with the sorry bastards.

Maybe it's because I look at it from the other side of the fence. I was the bad guy: I divorced my husband. He did not want a divorce. For years I prayed that he would find a girlfriend, or even hit me--anything obvious that would give me an "honorable out". No such luck. His sin was to be "sick"--and to use that "illness" to control every aspect of our lives. He was also a pathological liar--to the point that as he said "I can't even remember what the truth is anymore." Don't get me wrong--I loved my husband. Loved the man that he was, and the man he was capable of being. I just didn't know, and couldn't stay with the man he became. I stayed with him after his mental break for almost 8 years, hiding the true hell we lived in from everyone, including family and friends. Fortunately for me, the veneer got too thin the last 5 years or so, so my closest friends got a glimpse into my world. They were delighted for me when I finally got the courage to file for divorce. My kids were relieved as well--they were tired of the emotional abuse they took when he stopped being able to control me and turned on them instead.

To the rest of the world, however, I am a heartless bitch who divorced her poor(never mind that he makes more in disability than I make working my ass off as a physician), sick (let's not discuss how much of this is real or imagined), disabled husband in his time of need, breaking his heart and turning his children against him. Fortunately for him he "found Jesus" so he can devote hours each week with his THREE Bible study groups praying for my wayward soul, as well as that of his "sinful children". And he can continue spreading the lies about how mistreated and abused he has been.

So, to those of you who were married to lying, cheating bastards: count your blessings that they have moved on to torture someone else. To those of you living with a mentally ill spouse: I feel your pain, and I pray for you all every day. I am eternally grateful that I was able to finally break free of my guilt and leave. And everyone, please say a prayer that my ex will find a girlfriend real soon...it would sure take the heat off of me!

noreply@blogger.com (ellie bee) — Sun, 24 Jun 2007 01:08:00 +0000

MY BABY IS HOME!!!!

My sweet youngest is home from 3 long weeks at camp. He had a blast, with some admitted homesickness, but not enough that he didn't want to go ahead and sign up for next year too. Sigh of relief. I love sending him to camp. It is exorbitantly expensive, but he gets to do cool stuff and to meet people from all over the world. This year his counsellors were from Ghana and England. He learned archery from a guy from Zimbabwe. He went camping with a guy from Trinidad. He met and loved guys from Austrailia, New Zealand, Scotland, Ireland, several different African countries...this camp has counsellors from all over the world. He does things like lacrosse, and mountain boarding, spelunking, horseback riding, whitewater rafting, tennis--he loves every minute of it. We at home missed him more than he missed us--that is for sure.

Wednesday my middle one leaves for camp--in New Zealand. Yes, 3 weeks on the other side of the world. Sponsored by the same wonderful camp, this trip is for teens. He will be with 10 other boys his same age, and 2 great counsellors from NZ. We got to meet one of them when we went to pick up the little one, and he is WONDERFUL!!! He will ski, snowboard, cave, hike, sea kayak--sounds awesome.

The thing I love about these camps is the international flair. Let's face it--growing up in small town Middle Georgia the opportunity for exposure to other cultures and people is limited. I do what I can to keep my kids grounded and appreciative of other cultures and ideas, but the opportunity to actually meet and live with diverse people is too much to pass up. I just hope I make it another 3 weeks without my 3 chickies all in the nest! Guess its good practice for the oldest leaving for college next year! Yikes!

noreply@blogger.com (ellie bee) — Thu, 21 Jun 2007 01:20:00 +0000

this is amazing...

some days I feel like this...running from one costume to the next...
today was kind of like that:
early morning: mom
a little later: lady at tire store
a little later: teacher/doctor
a little later: mom at grocery store
a little later: friend and confidante at lunch
a little later: friend and co-worker shopping for birthday flowers
a little later: doctor
a little later: doctor/teacher
a little later: yoga instructor
a little later: mom at home
a little later: tutor
a little later: blogger
a little later: tired mom